I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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