when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
