How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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