I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
