When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
