My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
