Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
