why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
