make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
