I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
