There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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