Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
