I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
