he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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