Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
did i just pee glitter
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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