Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You left your phone here
Wait...
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