what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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