just survived the first fart of the relationship.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
