Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
