I heard we made out
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
