R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
