Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize