Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
