no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
