Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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