Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
