I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
