Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
