you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
