Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
