No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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