i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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