Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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