watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
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