My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
