Umm I'm too high to move.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
