I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
