youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
