Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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