We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
