He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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