Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
