there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
