"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
