I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
