I'd wear matching sweaters with you
it wasn't lemon gatorade
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
