please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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