Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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