you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Randomize
