cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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