Don't you send me to vm
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
