WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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