halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Semen is not good for contacts.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
