I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
