Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
