so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
