Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
