I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
