ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
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All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
