please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
