just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
