When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
