You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
