So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
