He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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