who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Randomize
