K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
