if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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