Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
