whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
