I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
