from now on my penis is your penis
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize