i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
