we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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