sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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