He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
