he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
