Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
